Here is the rest of my critique of the DTS panel discussion on divorce for domestic abuse. I hope you find it helpful. [You can find the earlier part of my critique here.]
We are picking up the video at the 16:14 mark.
Darrell Bock: Okay, well we’re now to the last section of the video and so now we’re going to turn our attention to watching see how this wraps up.
[The panel watch another video segment showing a survivor whose church told her she couldn’t get a divorce and that no believer should go to court against another believer.]
Darrell Bock: Well that obviously puts another issue on the table and that is, not only do we have a problem with divorce, but now we got a problem: we gotta go to court to get a divorce, so that’s two strikes against the person pursuing potentially a…
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Abuse is fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself* as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control. The abuser is not hampered in these efforts by the pangs of a healthy conscience and indeed often lacks a conscience.While this mentality of power and control often expresses itself in various forms of physical abuse, it just as frequently employs tactics of verbal, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual abuse. Thus, an abuser may never actually lay a hand on his wife and yet be very actively terrorizing her in incredibly damaging ways.Abuse in any of its forms destroys the victim\’s person. Abuse, in the end, is murder.* Sometimes the genders are reversed.Follow Blog via EmailClick to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.Join 1,486 other followersVisit our Facebook pageVideos by Barbara RobertsFollow Us on PinterestDisclosureA Cry for Justice is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. To see what we do with the money, read About Us in the top menu.SearchSearch Top Posts
How do you recognize someone who abuses others? Do people who abuse others have certain characteristics and do they have certain behaviors in common? Many studies have shown that there is quite a bit of commonality within this group of people, be they verbal, sexual, physical, or emotional batterers. These are listed here. Most of the items will make the assumption that men are the batterers because the heavy majority is men (approx. 85%) but there are women who abuse as well and these characteristics typically hold true for them also.
Annually, compared to males, females experienced over 10 times as many incidents of domestic violence. On average each year, women experienced 572,032 violent victimizations at the hands of a domestic partner, compared to 48,983 incidents committed against men. (Ronet Bachman Ph.D., U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Violence Against Women: A National…
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Verbal abuse is the use of language to manipulate, control, humiliate, insult, ridicule, put down, and show disrespect to another person. Patricia Evans says:
Domestic violence is about the control of one human being by another. This control begins with verbal abuse and is similar to mind control. Verbal abuse attacks one’s spirit and sense of self. Verbal abuse attempts to create self doubt. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” “You don’t have a sense of humor,” “You can’t take a joke,” “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re crazy.”
Verbal abuse so controls ones mind that some women who have left a verbally and sometimes physically abusive relationship twenty or more years ago still find themselves wondering, “Maybe there’s something I could have done…,” or, “Maybe if I’d tried to explain just one more time my relationship would have gotten better.” Very often the people who find themselves the…
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What defines abuse? How do we know when behavior has moved from the merely selfish to out of bounds? Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. It can be legally defined by the following: The infliction of injury, unreasonable confinement, intimidation or punishment with resulting physical harm, pain or mental anguish and/or the willful deprivation by a caretaker of goods or services, which are necessary to maintain physical or mental health. http://www.co.berks.pa.us/familycourt/cwp/view.asp?a=1884&q=474050
There are different types of abuse. In this post, I’m going to discuss psychological abuse. The other types will follow in subsequent posts.
Psychological Abuse (also known as mental abuse or emotional abuse) occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person’s sense of reality; what is…
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Dialoguing with an abuser takes care and knowledge. It’s a difficult, narrow path and is not always effective. But for those of you who must deal with an abuser, there are some things you can do to make things better for you. Most of this information is for dealing with emotional and or verbal abusers. Please remember that the best way to deal with a physical or sexual abuser is to get away from this person and, when appropriate, notify the authorities.
The first thing to remember is that sometimes it’s better to choose to do nothing at first. What I mean by that is that you don’t have to make a decision about how to respond to the abuser the moment a demand is made. I know this sounds easy, but if you’ve ever faced an abuser you will know how difficult this can be. Use time buying statements…
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It hasn’t been that long ago that someone told me our church’s position on divorce was wrong. We acknowledge that God permits divorce for habitual, unrepentant, hard-hearted violation of the marriage vows. Sexual unfaithfulness, failure to love and provide for, desertion, and abuse (a kind of desertion) are, we maintain, biblical grounds for divorce. In fact, these violations are what destroy the marriage, not the victim who files the legal paperwork. My caller however, insisted upon her rendition of Malachi 2 – claiming that it says God hates divorce. What she meant by this, of course, was that God hates ALL divorce and thus divorce is never permissible. She is wrong. Very, very wrong. And her words do great hurt and harm to abuse victims. Christians need to stop saying “God hates divorce.”
Why? Because the Bible does not say this! At least it does not say…
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